Life-Changing

KATE DOES... Havening with Olivia

ReConnect Magazines wellbeing editor, Kate Philbin, tries out a treatment, event or activity in each issue. In the latest edition (103) it is Havening with Olivia Seck.

"Life-Changing"

I don't think I've ever used these words before to describe a “Kate Does” experience, but my recent “Havening” session with Olivia Seck was so profound that no other description will do. I'm blown away by what we achieved in our four sessions together.

Which is all the more surprising because I was a bit unsure about this particular "Kate Does". You see, Olivia - founder of Radiant Mama and all-round wonderful woman - works with birth trauma. 

My daughter, Beth, turns 22 this year so, while the pregnancy traumatic, it was also a very long time ago. I wasn't sure whether working on the birth trauma felt relevant for me at this point in my lite. Luckily, my training as counsellor has taught me that trauma is trauma no matter when it occurred and that it's valuable to “take the lid off” and have a look rather than keep these experiences locked away inside the mind. And boy was that the case.

In these sessions I came face-to-face with some of my deepest-held beliefs about myself, about motherhood and about lite. I was able to make sense of repeating patterns in my life that have held me back, and to shatter what I regarded as 'unshakeable truths’. I no longer see things in the same way... and I'd have said that was impossible. 

It's hard to write about this because the experience was so deeply personal and painful. What I shared with Olivia on that sweltering afternoon in July I'd never shared  with anyone else. So, without giving giving any detail details, let me give you a flavour of how our session unfolded.

Olivia began by teaching me a technique called Havening. It is a form of self soothing that's backed by multiple studies and robust neuroscience. If you haven't heard of it (which I hadn’t), I recommend googling it because it's effective and simple enough to be able to use yourself in everyday life (self-havening). 

As we went through each traumatic experience, we used Havening to soften its impact. She also taught me a technique called TAT (tapas acupressure technique) which was developed by acupuncturist Tapas Flemming in 1993. It involves holding specific acupressure points on the head while focusing on negative emotions. Like Havening, it was simple to learn and helped to soothe the painful traumatic memories. 

At first, when I tried to focus on some of the things that happened, my brain was filled with fog. Gradually, however, the memories appeared. They didn't form a coherent narrative, more like a series of scenes - snatches of conversation, visual impressions, powerful emotions. 

We look at each of them in turn. I live you invited me to speak the words I've been unable to speak at the time, to express the feelings that have been locked away for so long. She invited me to speak to her as though she was the person who’d caused me the pain. She then responded from his perspective, offering me answers that seemed both believable and congruent, but also reassuring and helpful. 

At the end of session two, I spent time in a ‘safe place’. Olivia invited me to step outside the circle of pain towards love. I met someone there I didn't expect to meet in my heart broke open.

In later sessions, Olivia helped me to make sense of medical processes that I've never understood and that have remained a source of pain and confusion. It was so helpful that she had a background as a Doula because she was able to explain why certain things happened in the way they did, what they meant and what the implications were. It shifted the way I saw birth and this brought a sense of lightness that has been absent for all these years.

As we came to the end of our sessions, we worked on developing some new beliefs about myself and about life. Among the searching questions Olivia asked me was “if you could choose anything as a result of these experiences, what would it be?” she asked me, too, “what does your heart long for?” I was surprised by some of my answers. 

I'd like to win this piece with a brief note to Olivia. Again, not something I've done before, but please indulge me as I feel I want to acknowledge her…

Dear Olivia,

Thank you for the gift of your time, your skill and your love. You helped me to realise things that were out of my awareness and that I could never have realised by myself. These insights are a wonderful gift and will help you move forward into the next phase of my life with much greater awareness, clarity and love. 

I will always be grateful to you for this. 

Kate

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If you're affected by birth trauma, no matter how long ago it happened, no matter if you are a woman or a man, contact Olivia at www.oliviaseck.com. It's important to be aware that you don't have to relive the traumatic experience/s in order to achieve relief using Havening.